The More You Chase, The More You Repel it

Chasing things in life, happiness, love, success, validation, feels natural. We think if we push harder, want it more, or force it, we’ll finally get it. But here’s the hard truth: the more you chase, the more it slips away.

This isn’t a motivational cliché. people call it the backwards law, a simple yet powerful principle of psychology.

When you obsess over something, you create tension, neediness, and resistance. Ironically, letting go is the key to attracting what you want.

Here’s how to apply it in real life.

1. Understand the Backwards Law

The backwards law states: the more you pursue a positive experience, the more you push it away.

Happiness, confidence, love, or success can’t be grabbed or forced. They arrive when you’re relaxed, focused on growth, and not desperate.

Example: Trying too hard to impress someone often creates awkwardness. Stressing about being happy usually leads to frustration. there was a friend of mine whom was interested in me and followed me on social media and what I did is what made me learn this the hard way. I tried to impress by showing post of me travelling, on nice places and guess what it repeled we never go alone each other. so the lesson: Just be who you are. don't wear must to try and fit in a place where on a piece of paper fits not you. you might break yourself in to peaces for you to fit.

2. Focus on Presence, Not Results

Obsessing over the outcome makes you tense and impatient. being too obessed on the outcome rather than the journey is what makes people spend alot of time and effort thinking than aactually doing. being obsessed is good but forcing the results from obession is bad.

Instead:

• Focus on what you can control today which is the input (the work, you time)
• Improve your skills, habits, and mindset
• Be fully present in your actions

When you stop clinging to results, life naturally aligns to deliver them. Life rewards the relaxed not lazy but relaxed.

3. Let Go of Validation

Seeking approval pushes people away. Constantly needing recognition or praise creates invisible resistance. I've experienced this multiple times when I try to impress someone it end up being worse, and when I stoped and react like neutral everthing flows.

Solution:

• Stop looking for external validation
• Accept yourself fully
• Focus on your growth and values

Confidence comes from self-acceptance, not chasing compliments. trust me a huge victim of this, I suffered alot is seeking validation and that is why you should listen to me because am speaking from my own experience.

4. Take Action Without Attachment

You can’t avoid action, but you can avoid desperation.

Action without attachment:

• You do your best today
• You embrace mistakes as part of the process
• You remain calm even if results are delayed stay calm even if you see result a little bit don't force more stay humble you will get far.

Ironically, detachment often leads to the fastest results. detachment means feeling that everything is temporary and you own nothing in this world.

5. Be Patient and Trust Life

Even in religious studies, they talk about patience, Because the more you push, the more life pushes back. The more you resist, the slower things move.

Trust the process. Focus on your journey rather than forcing the destination. When you’re ready, opportunities, people, and success will appear naturally.

There is a saying I learned on Yes Theory Youtube channel in one of their videos which was "lev lev" I don't know if I spelled it correctly. but it meant Let life flow, let life deliver what it should. Now am not saying to be lazy or stop working hard, NO but working hard without forcing the results. just do what needed to get there, pray and relax. you can't control the output but you can control the input. focus on that.

Lastly my final words for today

The chase is tempting. Society glorifies “hustle harder, want more.” But here’s the truth: desperation repels, calm attracts.

Stop forcing. Start living. Improve yourself. Let life catch up to you.

The choice is simple: cling and repel, or release and attract.

Stay calm, stay humble.....things will flow smoothly.

Written By Mohamed Sinani